splitter says

I'm turning 30...list about regrets, i have a few...

Actually, I really don’t feel any regrets. But in order to feel some, I started thinking about my dreams from when I was a little girl to compare them to what I have achieved so far. This will be fun!

1. Move to NYC and become a singer/dancer/actor/director/short stop/president: The entire dream is ludicrous. But for a girl growing up in California it was a bit odd to want to move to NYC. It took me awhile (what was that detour to upstate?) but I did that. I consider not being an actor/director/short stop/president to be an accomplishment. But I do feel bad about singing. Not cause I’m a great singer, but because I could be a Carol King type person. Good songs for better singers? Oh well.
2. Be Pretty: Well the improvements on the hair and the mole removal certainly have helped. I feel, well the best I can be. And fine. I’m over it at this point!
3. Get Brendon _______________-____________ to like me: Meh. 7th/8th grade were really hard on me.
4. Get boobs: check.
5. Do something, anything, that will make me live on in history - you don’t have to be famous or rich - just do something that will last…:ugg, it depends on how you look at it. Working at the museum was really cool, and one could argue that those shows will be written about forever. But what did I do?  Take names at the door? Push memberships? Working at what I do now…I don’t know. Still trying to figure that out.

Things that my little girl self would not give a shit about:

1. 2 months, 2 whole months living in Paris Mofos!: That will never be taken away. That was amazing. That was the first time in my life I felt pretty. I would give everything to be living there again.
2. Getting into Business School: My 12 year old self would probably ask what that has to do with singing and dancing in Annie, but eff her because that was hard as shit and that was a big accomplishment and good for me. I think that counts as an accomplishment of my 20s. 
3. I think I had like 5 months where I used to go out and be interesting and fun…and good for me: Oh man remember that um, quarter, or whatever when I went out late and would sleep under my desk? That was fun.
4. A cute boy asked me out. He did. He’s marrying me now. That was the first time I was asked out by a cute boy (OK I was before a few times when I had a boyfriend, but that doesn’t count cause boys always like you when they can smell boyfriend on you), and he liked me and stuff and it was right after the mole removal so it all comes together.

Regrets?

None. Fuck you.

I’m glad for the drama to be over.

3 weeks and counting.

I welcome you, 30s.

Obligatory wedding post - sorry in advance

Yes, we are getting married. Yes there was a relapse in the middle of this courtship. I don’t think that issue is gone forever. But, our vows will be really simple:

We have already been in sickness and in health, in rich and in poor, in good times and in bad - and you are the best man I have ever known.

Yes that’s true.

Enough, on with the wedding stuff.

I made the save the dates! And I have to say, all I really care about in these festivities are the cards and stuff.

We made the cheapest cutest things this weekend for both the wedding and the (one week later) party.

The party ones are a close-up of a scrabble board with “Save the Date” spelled out.

Yeah. That shit is awesome.

John doesn’t even play scrabble (which makes me insane), but he um, “knew what was cool when he heard it.”

Well it’s a lot better than what the rest of America thinks is cool according to the options of zazzle.

The small wedding save-the-dates for the family is another postcard with a vintage “Greetings from (our state)” image on the front.

Once I have these here I will send out…only a month late from protocol.

My biggest fear is that people will be upset that it’s just a party. But I hope they understand that this is all I can afford.

But I will reach out to those people to try to explain, and if you’re out of town - hey, don’t worry about it, it’s one night and I don’t want you to kill yourself.

Though my dress will be awesome.

I’m looking for blue shoes.  Think 60s blue everyone. 60s blue.

Anyway…I don’t want to give anything away…except…I’m gonna go ahead and give everything away:

So what? We don't have a generation?

In marketing you spend a lot of time analyzing trends and populations and how they would behave, say in front of a dog food made from wild salmon (seriously I made that up, if I were working for pet food I would announce it.)

Recently I’ve spent a lot of time listening all about some assholes called “the millenials.”

I’ve heard a few definitions of this generation - sometimes my age is included in it…some times I’m included in Gen X.

Here are some basics about millenials:

• Grew up using the internet
• Not bothered by advertising, etc. on the internet
• Communicate mostly in facebook - email is extinct.
• Expect to get everything because their parent’s gave them everything
• What’s a book?

This is how you learn about generations in marketing: the babyboomers used to have all the spending power, now the millenials do.

There was no one in between it seems.

Look, when I was 14 watching Reality Bites, I don’t believe I thought - “yeah these people are me” because I was 14.  I had no context for the 70s references, though because of syndication I do know Good Times, and School House Rock and I experienced a period in which everyone, and I mean everyone, had a vintage lunchbox as their “purse” in adolescense.

But I am not a millenial.

When I see an ad for a millenial, I say out loud, “that hurts my head, why are they cutting so fast, and why is it so loud.”

When I think about boomers, I don’t think they’re old or lame, I think my dad was an activist in the 60s and remains an activist and that’s great.

Gen X was known for a sad indifference because nothing mattered - not very good for marketers. So they don’t count.

Who am I?

In the latest definition I heard, Gen X was anyone above 30 - Millenials were 18 to 29.

I turn 30 in a month. I ask the generation gods above to grant me into Gen X because even though I don’t truly identify with Gen X, I cannot stomache being a millenial.

Is it because my sister was firmly Gen X? My fiance? My friends? Everyone?

Is it because I didn’t use email until we got it in college, and even then it wasn’t used until after we graduated because if we needed to talk to one another we would call each other.

I think about those I know that are truly the friends I’ve gathered, all are one year older than me or above because I was put in school a little early.  So it counts right?  It counts?

It has to. Because marketing to them is one thing. Being them is another.

And I’d rather be lumped into a stereotype of angst than a sterotype of frivolity.

Or put me in the lost generation of the 30s. That’s fine. I guess that’s me. The lost generation - not X, not millenial, no definition, just a vauge time period where we liked Nirvana and grew up in the 80s and the internet was for rich kids with AOL.

That’s fine by me.

Notes from a failed song writer...

Look I’m not saying I was everyone’s cup of tea, but I think I used to have a pretty nice talent for lyrics back in the day.

I used to think the reason I stopped being able to write songs was because I stopped having drama in my life - without angst what’s a song really?  (Unless you’re John Mayer. What a douche that guy is.  Right?  Who says I can’t call you a douche? Who says?)

But then I had so much drama come back - breaking up with my long term boyfriend - changing my life upside down - meeting the love of my life - then he relapses - but he gets better!  Who doesn’t want to hear that in three-to-four chord melody?

I can’t do it!

I tried.  What little creativity I have is apparently left to brainstorming sessions in my office.

My father always encourages me to never lose my art (he has a high opinion of me…that’s why he says that…), but what can I do when it loses me?

I convinced myself that it’s not the lyrics (they were sorta there, just ummm…a bit different:

I’m in a meeting I don’t belong in

But I still listen and join the call

I clear my throat and then I chime in

They knod their heads and then move on)

It’s so now!

Until I finally started screaming over an E-A-G chord progression “You’re funny, You’re funny, what are you doing here?”

It’s just plain awful.

Maybe it’s just changed…maybe I can no longer pretend to sing because the fact is that my guitar will never be good enough to actually express what’s in my head.

Unless one of you buys me a capo. I lost mine.  I’m turning 30. You could just buy it for me for like $3.00.  And then maybe this sad sad sad song writer could rise up again, with horrible lyrics about office meetings.

XOXO

Television I watch these days because it's on...and others

It’s that time again - winter.  Or, as more commonly known at chez Splitter (soon to be Harmon!), “the time when my paleness looks pretty and I don’t have to shave my legs and one does not feel guilty for not leaving the house during the weekend.”

Now, Harmon and I usually end up watching TV around 8 pm, and we don’t have DVR - whch means we are choiceful of the incredible entree that is the modern TV space.

1. Well, you already know, Criminal Minds has completely replaced repeats of Scrubs, or documentaries on serial killers as THE show of winter.  More about Dr. Reid in a minute.
2. Look I didn’t make Mad Men beloved by every snooty person on the planet, I just happen to also be a snooty person. Besides, if you find it snooty to watch John Hamm, a silver fox, and the hottest red head on film this side of Jessica Rabbit then you need to re-evaluate what is really important to you in this world.  Also Pete and Trudy rule.
3. Dancing with the Stars.  My fiance is an exceptional judge of the dances and has really taught me a lot.  Now get out of my way as I celebrate the recent elimination of that terrible Aaron Carter.
4. Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew. I asked my fiance about real rehab and whether or not they would have male and female sex addicts in the same location and he said no.  Then he said they wouldn’t be allowed to dress like that either.  Then I said it seemed a little bit easier than heroin. But, maybe that’s a bit insensitive. Also insensitive? My hope that Amber and the guy with black hair fall in love. Spiritually I mean.
5. Chelsea Lately has replaced Jon Stewart lately. A sign of my inability to handle news? Slightly.
6. V. THE CREEPY VISITORS WILL KILL US ALL! We watched the original series the other day. Both are tops.

With no DVR, I usually end up watching Dancing with the Stars and then passing out on the couch.

So all in all, it’s good to be back in winter.