splitter says

Finished "My Lobotomy" - surprisingly depressing

Um, duh.

Anyway, it was exceptional. Avoid the icepick shot though.

Current book list...

It’s that time again! Where I go to B&N just to “browse” and end up buying 4 paperbooks new. Which is ridulous. Please, don’t email me about the library. I know, the library is the new amazon. I know. I’m a horrible person.

Anyway, the books!

1. The Book of Vice by Peter Sagal (he hosts “Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me” on NPR, but the book is all about him going to sex clubs and drug parties. Get it? He’s a nerdy NPR guy in odd situations where he doesn’t belong! Hilarity ensues.) (Well so far, I’m only on the first chapter, which involves swinger clubs. He seems scared.)
2. Born Standing Up: A Comic’s Life by Steve Martin. No explanation needed.
3. My Lobotomy, A Memoir by Howard Dully - the thing that totally made me want to buy this book, despite my fear of the ice pick lobotomy (I blame you, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest), was the back cover blurb: Howard Dully leads a happy life as a tour bus guide driver. This is his first book. Yeah, cause he had a fucking lobotomy I bet!
4. Money Ball - The Art of Winning an Unfair Game, by Michael Lewis who wrote Liar’s Poker which was the best book on earth to read right before going into business school.  This is about the A’s and some money that paid for some balls - it was a co-choice book between John and I…he will finish it in a day and I will finish all these books next year.

After menses I feel fine...

I was really upset and frustrated and angry and wanting to shoot the world last week from about, mmmmm, I’d say Monday through Wednesday.

Then I finished my period and I was all like - what? Who cares. Boring.

Someone should fix that.

I finished a book that is not about handling stress in the workplace

And it was great. Stupid Tumblr is not working so my grammar will be off when I do not underline nor italicize the title: Love in the Time of Cholera.

I know everyone read this in high school - I’m trying to go back and pick up classics I may have missed.

Obviously it was wonderful, as most of you I’m sure can attest from your teen years. But the most wonderful part was using a part of my brain which had nothing to do with numbers, analysis and “deep dives.”

Also I did not have to think how to frame a sentence whilst following the lifetime love story of my hero and heroine.

Nice time.

Terrible wedding post of the day...

OMG girls…lavender! It’s all about lavender for Splitter’s April ceremony!

In an effort to keep my budget ridiculously low (so far so good…the most expensive thing is the damn rabbi for now - is that sacrilig to say? Anywho…) I made the following plan:

No flowers and no separate favors: instead the arrangements will be different sized mini pots of herbs (lavender and rosemary) and everyone can take them home afterwards.

(Do you really need an engraved letter opener with our names? I mean…I do of course…)

Here’s where everything becomes fucking amazing, and you know what? FUCKING AMAZING.

My friend, talented chef extroirdinaire (you know who you are) is going to make the wedding cupcakes (or cake…she has been subtly hinting cake since the idea is proposed) and they will be lavender essence and lemon!!!! Do you see how the theme continues? Yeah…it continues.

So now it is emerging that colors will be a yellow (a pale yellow…let’s not go wild in the easter world) and a lavender - with pretty pretty smells.

Maybe with an accent color of light green since over the years green has emerged as my favorite color and its also John’s (yes, he gets to have it be his day too…he can wear whatever he wants and I cannot wait.)

God this is so good I just want to die. I want to die.

Also I think I’m going to copy my other friend who has created an awesome wedding blog for her sister (I should link to it right here because its great but its on my work computer…please reply in comments dude) then you can send out all the info - although I’m pretty sure John’s 90 year old Grandma Dot does not use the world wide web…I will print out screen shots for her.

And thus ends my terrible wedding post of the week. Get over it.

Deep thought...

Glass doors don’t really provide the illusion of separate rooms.

Having the same day off as the fiance is apparently quite annoying to a boy. He is trying to read and I am busy proposing today’s activities.

OK OK that’s annoying. But in fairness to me, I’ll probably be annoying for the rest of our lives together.

He should get used to it.

Something I just noticed I hate...

When people say:

“Tell us how you really feel!”

It’s so stupid that I don’t even get that it’s supposed to be a burn so I usually respond:

That is how I really feel.

My annoyance of squares grows more as the number of days I spend on this earth grow.

You know what? Fuck you

No really. Who made you so fucking great? What the fuck makes you so special? You think you’re so great? Please, your pathetic ass is a sniveling groveling pitiful excuse for a man who gets, yeah gets, to hear my fucking funny fucking jokes.

Yeah I said it. I think I’m funny. Who wants to know? I’m funnier than your fucking ass. One time you talked my ear off for like an hour about something that was apprently funny but was really just a story that was boring and mostly about you being a douche. And you kept laughing cause I guess it was funny and I kept staring at you with a fake smile trying to walk away.

Do you realize I’m always trying to walk away? Do you realize that my friend and I secretly call you “the little bitch”?

So fucking sit there, with your fucking rich parents, and fucking non-dysfunctional upbringing and tell me, just tell me to stop what I’m doing because it’s “distracting you.”

I’m sorry? I’m distracting you? I’m keeping you from curing cancer and knocking off AIDS and the last remaining strains of the plague?

Oh! I’m so sorry. Oh my…let me be sure to stop this thing that I am doing which is completely normal and not loud and also not about you…

But I’ll do it! Because otherwise, I’m the asshole.

You know what?

Fuck You.

: )

This isn't "Daisy of London" - oh snap! Yes it is...

OMG you guys. London came back on Daisy of Love. This is good news for me since he’s the only one I find semi-attractive.  This show has nothing - I mean nothing going for it.  the main person is not a transvestite-whore (New York), a washed up dwarf rapper, or a bald washed up dwarf 80s rocker.

She’s not famous, and she’s not a lesbian. She appears to be a small, fake breasted blond woman. She’s slightly amusing and has a drinking problem. 

The guys have been, in the words of one of the co-stars, “a bunch of muscle heads and freaks.”

The freaks are more entertaining.

But there was one boy who was a musician and had a mohawk and was cute…he is back. And, I don’t believe it VH1 - you did it again.