It all started on a drive to DC with John.
I had added money to the EZ Pass that morning. Done and Done. No fucking tolls for this car! See you later cash only losers!
Let’s go ahead and just cozy through the Henry Hudson Bridge (is that the name? It’s the one on the west side that isn’t the george washington…get off my back).
Boom. Stop. Red light and menacing barrier that just. will. not. lift to allow our passage.
Beep. Beep. Say the cars behind me.
Do you have $3 says the police guy (really - not a toll booth worker - I guess NYC is serious about it’s tolls)?
Um, we search the cup holders for change - John finds a crumpled dollar. We have $1.83.
“You don’t have $3?”
“I paid the EZ Pass this morning”
“It takes 48 hours to process.”
(In head - curse you EZ Pass. Curse you.)
“Do you take credit cards? Checks?”
“Please drive over to the side.” (This guy was actually really nice and kinda chuckling that we didn’t have $3…so please picture his tone on this line with a smile.)
Before the guy walks over, me:
“Damnit! I knew this was gonna suck. WHAT THE FUCK! Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck! Great.”
“Here you go, just pay $5 and send in - you can use a credit card or check on this thing.”
Me, not nice response:
“Thanks.”
Drive away - “Great now we have to get off and find an ATM and we’re gonna have to stop at every toll on the drive. Great.”
After about another half an hour of me complaining (great! now we’ve hit traffic! Nothing ever goes right for me!) John says,
“Jeez stop being so negative! We live in the most rich country in the world, we have everything, and you’re always just making everything into something negative.”
Meek voice, me:
“I’m negative?”
“Who cares that we got a $5 ticket and have to go through tolls. Who cares?”
You know what? You’re right jerk.
So it was New Year’s time…did you know people often spend that time reflecting on things and making “resolutions”?
I was in a bookstore in DC and found a book titled Positivity: Top Notch Research Reveals the 3-to-1 Ratio That Will Change Your Life. I opened it up and it was all science, and maybe 20% self helpy stuff.
Seriously, even the title made me feel better.
The main thing is, it’s OK to be negative sometimes - like um maybe things suck a bit - fine! But the idea is, hey why not try to not be superfuously negative when it’s not even needed; or ruminate on something when it’s not even needed. So, you had to wait in line for 20 minutes because there was an idiot in front of you - who gives a shit? Does this really matter? Is this really worth an afternoon of agitation?
A lot of this has helped me with not being promoted. Wooooooooo. I said it. I wasn’t promoted. A bunch of other people who have been at the company the same amount of time as me were and I wasn’t. And yes, this - really - upset - me. It made me very very sad, and angry at myself, and pissed off, and humiliated, and feel like a failure.
This book though, made me realize that all that does is make me feel bad for no reason. No reason right? So I’m gonna be sad and upset and make my life hell for the 80 hours a week that I do work?
OR - I can do this:
1. What do you like about your job? Is it fun? I actually love almost everything about what I do. It’s exciting and I do interesting stuff that challenges me.
2. Did you work really really hard to get to this point in your life? Um, yeah I had to go to business school and learn how to be good at math and junk. It was super hard. Also I moved to the middle of nowhere (kinda).
3. Did moving to the middle of nowhere bring you something else? Yes! I met John, who is everything in the entire world and more. And healthy now. And I’m so proud of him. And we get to start a life together and he loves our kitty.
4. Oh our kitty!
5. Are you only 30 and there’s a lot more to come? Yes! This is one moment in time. 5 years ago I was living in a basement apartment in Brooklyn with mice and working at a museum. Where will I be in another 5 years? (please no more mice though.)
6. Is your dad and your sister and your nephew happy and healthy? Yes they are! Good. That is really nice.
7. Do you have like a thousand friends that you’ve found over the last 30 years of your life that make you laugh and are awesome? Yes!
8. Is karaoke the best thing that you’ve ever discovered? Yes!
OK, that was a lot of positivity. But doesn’t it still suck that you weren’t promoted and you have to go back to work when everyone else is promoted but you and you feel embarassed and you think you do good work and deserved it? (And there’s some other junk in there too but let’s not get into it.)
Yes, it does.
Now let’s move on.
