Dec
2nd
Tue
2nd
The Official "Splitter Says" Guide to Saving Money
Jeez every blog I’m on lately has a “top 10 ways to save money” list…it must really drive traffic, and since, according to google analytics, my top search phrases are:
splitter says blog
splitter says tumblr
and
I’m Pregnant My Job
(no seriously)
I’m gonna go ahead and toss my hat into the ring with a good ‘ol tips on saving money list from the girl who is currently $150K in debt!
- Try not to spend money you don’t have. Like if you want something, but you don’t have money for it, don’t buy it. See the other day, I wanted to leave my job and fly to Paris and just sorta chill out for a few weeks but I didn’t because I don’t have any money and I need my job to pay my bills. (I did buy an exercise bike for $150…that fact really shits in the face of this rule.)
- Stop eating. When you’re hungry at night - just count your money! Then feel your ribs and think about how pretty you are!
- When hosting a Chanuka party, serve donuts or munchkins to cheaply evoke the theme (things fried in oil). Bonus! Eat donuts!
- Siphon off gas from another car - buy a cheap piece of clear plastic tubing (about 4 feet long), pull up to another car at night, suck a bit of gasoline up from the other car until gravity is in your favor and get free gas! That’s actually a tip from Steal This Book by Abbie Hoffman - can you believe that? The book also has tips on making sandals from old tires and how to beat up pigs when you’re protesting in Chicago…actually, lots of good life lessons in there - makeshift gas masks, levitation of the pentagon potions…anyway…
- Switch from Starbucks to Dunkin’ Donuts. OMG I totally did this (which really reminds me of college, the only other time I ever drank D&D coffee) and if you get the hazelnut with cream and sugar, it is one damn fine cup of coffee for $1.90. Compare that to the $4.00 I was spending at Starbucks. I know what you’re thinking - hey you should make coffee and take it in a thermos- that would really save money! Good thought - except who’s gonna add the hazlenut and make it in 20 seconds for me and clean out my mug? Haha I’m lazy.
- Stop doing things! Your imagination is free :)
- Go back in time and become a Washington Mutual customer - man it was annoying always searching for a WAMU ATM - you ended up paying those surcharges all the time purely out of convenience. Hey! Chase just bought you! Never face ATM fees again with a plethora of machines from your new friend, JP Morgan.
- Some things are worth the money - don’t skimp on your cat’s food or toys! He will know if you try to pass off friskies for fancy feast. And that catnip mouse from WalMart? How dare you - I don’t even think that’s organic cotton.
- Do you know what works just as well as a manicure? Cutting your nails. Did I just blow your mind? Yeah, and I saved you 10 bucks.
- Quit your non-profit job and go to business school and then get a better job that will pay you more.
That was really good. Now maybe my search phrases will grow to include:
beat up pigs when you’re protesting in Chicago
